The MixCd Project

The challenge in the MixCd Project is to be able to tell alot about yourself with enough songs to cram onto one disc. I managed to fit eighteen(read: 18) songs on one disc.

If you started listening to my MixCd, entitled Dangerparty Mix 1, it starts off with a ten minute lament about what hate is, and what it does. Hate's something I've struggled with in my life, hate for myself, hate for others, hate for the church, hate for God, hates something that has been a chain in my life. It defined so much of my younger life that its had an indelible effect on who I am, and who I can be. But, since my youth, I am not the same. I have been changed through the friendships of some amazing people, and the love of God. The Devil has not liked this, and has done his best to get a hold of me, and to bog me down with the old chains, and with new chains, like frustration with my faith, and with my beliefs. I've often asked myself the question if God wants to use me, how come He isn't? These tough questions, and the tough situations that accompanied them grew me in ways I never thought I could. I learned, and grew, and came to realize that perhaps the reason God wasn't using me was that there was something in my heart that was holding me back from being in one accord with Him. I set out to figure it out, and along the way I had my heart broken, my hope for society crushed, and a growing list of tough questions that I wasn't finding answers for in church, or in the Christian culture. I began to look for answers, and I found some, but I mainly learned things from my father, an unbreakable man who has looked out for me, guided me, and molded me without creating a clone of himself, but a person who has grown into his own man. He's guided me through love, heavy beating hearts, the heartbreaks that come with them and the amazing sensations of figuring out a purpose for my life, and what I should look for in relationships, a love that is true. His example with my mom is something that has left a more indelible mark than the one that hate left on me. He taught me that to have no regrets in life sometimes you have to do things that might hurt yourself, or give other people things to claim against you, even though you are following your heart and doing what you know is right. Another tough lesson he taught me is that no matter the problems in your life, your character must be unmovable, and that character must be rooted in strong theology, and that things we do in secret, the sins we hide, will be made known to everyone, and everyone will be held accountable for what they've done. My dad taught me all of these things, but more importantly, he let me experience them on my own, and learn them for myself. He let me carry on my own path, and provided direction when it was asked, criticism when it was necessary, and friendship through all of it. That's not to say that I am done learning, or that I only live the good life now, but that every day is new, and every day could be another day for heartbreak, independence, or joy, and that you should never shy from the hardships of life, because when you run away from them you put shackles around your feet, and we are all made to be free as a bird.