Why do fools fall in love?
This one has two answers, one lighthearted, one serious. The lighthearted answer is when you read this that two people who are in love are acting foolish about the other person, in the sense that they say gooey things to each other, and are generally nauseating in public. So the question reads like this, Why do two people who are in love act foolishly?
The answer is simple. When you are with the one you love, all the things that make up our worries tend to take a big step back. Time seems to fly by and stand still, and all of a sudden you don't care about that paper that's due in two days, or the early morning shift you have to work. You make personal sacrifices to be with the one you love, sometimes sacrifices you shouldn't make, because you pay for them in the morning. Love is a many splendored, powerful thing that is worth the sacrifices, worth not getting a full night's sleep, worth turning in a paper a day later.
The serious answer is when you read the question like this, Why do foolish people always seem to be in love with the next person that comes along immediately?
The answer is simple. When you are with the one you love, all the things that make up our worries tend to take a big step back. Time seems to fly by and stand still, and all of a sudden you don't care about that paper that's due in two days, or the early morning shift you have to work. You make personal sacrifices to be with the one you love, sometimes sacrifices you shouldn't make, because you pay for them in the morning. Love is a many splendored, powerful thing that is worth the sacrifices, worth not getting a full night's sleep, worth turning in a paper a day later.
The serious answer is when you read the question like this, Why do foolish people always seem to be in love with the next person that comes along immediately?
This answer is not so simple.
The kind of people that always seem to be falling in love with the next person to come along , we all know them. Everyone has a friend that's always falling for the next person to come along in their life. Everyone has a friend who's always going from one ugly messy ending to the next whirlwind beginning to the next coming soon attraction of a relationship train wreck. They don't ever seem to be single for very long, and the people they "fall in love" with, or "fall so hard" for, or "he/she's the only man/woman for me, and thank God they finally came along", always seem to be shady, questionable, or even a little dangerous. This constant succession of drama, abuse, and emotional turmoil makes you wonder why they put up with it, and what keeps them going. The answer is that people are hurting. The people who go from one relationship to the next are in pain.
For the men like this, they are trying to validate who they are as a man by their relational successes, but when the relationship fails, they don't have anything to validate themselves so they quickly look for the next relationship available, often dating emotionally unstable women, immature women who are significantly younger than them, or women who are significantly older than them with their own emotional baggage. This creates another flawed and troubled relationship, doomed to failure, recreating the cycle of self-validation and emotional pain.
For the women like this, they are looking for someone to love them. Simply put, they desire love to feel lovely, to be loved, and they seek it out constantly. We call them attention whores, sluts, and a wide range of other misnomers, but at the end of the day they are women who have been hurt by some terrible event or person in their past, and they want to feel lovely to overcome that great pain, or cover it up. The pain in their lives is self-replicating, almost like cold fusion. They are hurt so they seek love, they find it, that "love" uses them for it's own selfish gain(self-validation), the woman is hurt more and she goes looking for another "love", finds it, it hurts them, etc, etc. The cycle repeats itself, and they are constantly hurt, hurting, or about to get hurt.
Now, what I am saying is hardly anything new, and in some cases the men and women stuck in the cycles like the two I have described even know they are in them. What can they do? What can you do as their friend?
There is good news. These cycles are capable of being broken. For the men, it starts with stopping. Stop looking to women to validate yourself as a man. Seek the company of men to validate yourself. Look for other men to affirm you and build you up. Emulate older, wiser men, stop acting like a little kid, and start acting like a grown man. Read the book Wild At Heart by John Eldredge to get started. Read the website Art of Manliness. Those two will get you started on how to heal your hurt. If they get you going, but there's still that intense struggle of will about how to validate yourself, seek counseling. A good counselor will help you identify your wound that's keeping you from progressing into manhood.
For the women, it also starts with stopping. Stay single for a bit. Get past that intense fear that you are not lovely because some man is not telling you that. You are lovely. God makes the world, He makes woman last. God creates Eve out of Adam's rib, looks at her, sees in her every woman who will spring from her(including you), and God says "It is very good. " After you've been single for a bit, if there's still that intense emotional distress, seek counseling. There's a hard pain in your past that you aren't addressing and a good counselor can help you figure that out. Being whole will be the first step to actually finding the real love we all desire.
If you are the friend of a person like the ones I've described above, love them, unconditionally. Be there for them when they are hurt, and listen to them while they are on this journey toward wholeness. Intervene if they are pursuing a fail cycle, and hold them accountable to getting better.
With sincerest regard,
theDangerparty
The kind of people that always seem to be falling in love with the next person to come along , we all know them. Everyone has a friend that's always falling for the next person to come along in their life. Everyone has a friend who's always going from one ugly messy ending to the next whirlwind beginning to the next coming soon attraction of a relationship train wreck. They don't ever seem to be single for very long, and the people they "fall in love" with, or "fall so hard" for, or "he/she's the only man/woman for me, and thank God they finally came along", always seem to be shady, questionable, or even a little dangerous. This constant succession of drama, abuse, and emotional turmoil makes you wonder why they put up with it, and what keeps them going. The answer is that people are hurting. The people who go from one relationship to the next are in pain.
For the men like this, they are trying to validate who they are as a man by their relational successes, but when the relationship fails, they don't have anything to validate themselves so they quickly look for the next relationship available, often dating emotionally unstable women, immature women who are significantly younger than them, or women who are significantly older than them with their own emotional baggage. This creates another flawed and troubled relationship, doomed to failure, recreating the cycle of self-validation and emotional pain.
For the women like this, they are looking for someone to love them. Simply put, they desire love to feel lovely, to be loved, and they seek it out constantly. We call them attention whores, sluts, and a wide range of other misnomers, but at the end of the day they are women who have been hurt by some terrible event or person in their past, and they want to feel lovely to overcome that great pain, or cover it up. The pain in their lives is self-replicating, almost like cold fusion. They are hurt so they seek love, they find it, that "love" uses them for it's own selfish gain(self-validation), the woman is hurt more and she goes looking for another "love", finds it, it hurts them, etc, etc. The cycle repeats itself, and they are constantly hurt, hurting, or about to get hurt.
Now, what I am saying is hardly anything new, and in some cases the men and women stuck in the cycles like the two I have described even know they are in them. What can they do? What can you do as their friend?
There is good news. These cycles are capable of being broken. For the men, it starts with stopping. Stop looking to women to validate yourself as a man. Seek the company of men to validate yourself. Look for other men to affirm you and build you up. Emulate older, wiser men, stop acting like a little kid, and start acting like a grown man. Read the book Wild At Heart by John Eldredge to get started. Read the website Art of Manliness. Those two will get you started on how to heal your hurt. If they get you going, but there's still that intense struggle of will about how to validate yourself, seek counseling. A good counselor will help you identify your wound that's keeping you from progressing into manhood.
For the women, it also starts with stopping. Stay single for a bit. Get past that intense fear that you are not lovely because some man is not telling you that. You are lovely. God makes the world, He makes woman last. God creates Eve out of Adam's rib, looks at her, sees in her every woman who will spring from her(including you), and God says "It is very good. " After you've been single for a bit, if there's still that intense emotional distress, seek counseling. There's a hard pain in your past that you aren't addressing and a good counselor can help you figure that out. Being whole will be the first step to actually finding the real love we all desire.
If you are the friend of a person like the ones I've described above, love them, unconditionally. Be there for them when they are hurt, and listen to them while they are on this journey toward wholeness. Intervene if they are pursuing a fail cycle, and hold them accountable to getting better.
With sincerest regard,
theDangerparty
