The challenge in the MixCd Project is to be able to tell alot about yourself with enough songs to cram onto one disc. I managed to fit eighteen(read: 18) songs on one disc.
If you started listening to my MixCd, entitled Dangerparty Mix 1, it starts off with a ten minute lament about what hate is, and what it does. Hate's something I've struggled with in my life, hate for myself, hate for others, hate for the church, hate for God, hates something that has been a chain in my life. It defined so much of my younger life that its had an indelible effect on who I am, and who I can be. But, since my youth, I am not the same. I have been changed through the friendships of some amazing people, and the love of God. The Devil has not liked this, and has done his best to get a hold of me, and to bog me down with the old chains, and with new chains, like frustration with my faith, and with my beliefs. I've often asked myself the question if God wants to use me, how come He isn't? These tough questions, and the tough situations that accompanied them grew me in ways I never thought I could. I learned, and grew, and came to realize that perhaps the reason God wasn't using me was that there was something in my heart that was holding me back from being in one accord with Him. I set out to figure it out, and along the way I had my heart broken, my hope for society crushed, and a growing list of tough questions that I wasn't finding answers for in church, or in the Christian culture. I began to look for answers, and I found some, but I mainly learned things from my father, an unbreakable man who has looked out for me, guided me, and molded me without creating a clone of himself, but a person who has grown into his own man. He's guided me through love, heavy beating hearts, the heartbreaks that come with them and the amazing sensations of figuring out a purpose for my life, and what I should look for in relationships, a love that is true. His example with my mom is something that has left a more indelible mark than the one that hate left on me. He taught me that to have no regrets in life sometimes you have to do things that might hurt yourself, or give other people things to claim against you, even though you are following your heart and doing what you know is right. Another tough lesson he taught me is that no matter the problems in your life, your character must be unmovable, and that character must be rooted in strong theology, and that things we do in secret, the sins we hide, will be made known to everyone, and everyone will be held accountable for what they've done. My dad taught me all of these things, but more importantly, he let me experience them on my own, and learn them for myself. He let me carry on my own path, and provided direction when it was asked, criticism when it was necessary, and friendship through all of it. That's not to say that I am done learning, or that I only live the good life now, but that every day is new, and every day could be another day for heartbreak, independence, or joy, and that you should never shy from the hardships of life, because when you run away from them you put shackles around your feet, and we are all made to be free as a bird.
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Monday, August 24, 2009
A: Frustration
I've spent the last year out of church. It has not been entirely devoid of the Lord's influence, as I've learned, grown, and realized things about my faith and why I believe what I do. Coming to grips with somethings that many might consider harsh about faith was one of the toughest things I've had to do, but at the same time one of the most rewarding. I have a new appreciation for who, what, and why God is. This year was a time of great struggle, as I had to deal with a lot of new things that I've never experienced. Being fired was a big one, but being by my friend's side as they went through relational issues was the toughest. Coming to grips with some of the things from my past was a contender for the second spot on the list. The experiences of the last year resonated deeply with what I know of God and what I've learned about God.
Gradually, however, I know that I must return to the fold. I must go to church. Not because it's "mandatory" or a qualification of salvation, but because if you are away from the fellowship you lose touch with your brothers and sisters, you lose contact with other people on the same journey as you. The Christian life is often compared to a battlefield and battles are won with armies, not lone rangers. To win the battle, I must fight alongside others.
Upon returning to the fold, the bubble, I was struck by something that seemed to me out of place with what I know of faith. We claim to serve a living God, but we live, act, and worship as if Christ never rose from the dead. Our praise songs are funeral dirges, our lives are "whitewashed tombs full of dead bones, and all that is unclean"(Matthew 23:27). We are practical atheists, we acknowledge God exists, but live like He does not, to quote Craig Groeschel. We pay lip service to our God, and can debate the differences between infralapsarianism and supralapsarianism, but you ask us what we are excited about and we can lie and say "Jesus!" or be honest and admit it's the new season of LOST. We have head knowledge, but no heart knowledge.
This is an old critique, one that has befallen Christians, and the Pharisees alike. We know the doctrine of the Bible, we know the history of the Bible, but we have never lived it's Heart. The Heart of the Bible, the sum of all it's info is that Christ was born, died, and then LIVED again, and that because of that we are free from paying the cost of our sins, the seperation from God. We have the most glorious news of all time and we live and act like it's the most shameful thing we've ever done. We are afraid of our faith, we are afraid of what people will think, and we are afraid of what the consequences will be if we live a life that fears and respects the living God.
The best sports fans can rattle off any fact, factoid, blurb or obscure reference of their favorite team and then act like a madman at any of their games. Most Christians will tell you that Jesus saves and that you should behave. I serve a God that asks me to be as I am, and to come to Him with my heart, and to live my life as hard as I can. To serve Him and to live a life pleasing to Him with abandon, and a bold sure faith. God demands our best, and He can. It's not enough to speak truth, we must live it.
If God is real, and God is good, then how come we live like He's stuck in the tomb?
To end this blog I felt it would be best to quote someone who lives their life as hard as they can for a cause they believe in:
Gradually, however, I know that I must return to the fold. I must go to church. Not because it's "mandatory" or a qualification of salvation, but because if you are away from the fellowship you lose touch with your brothers and sisters, you lose contact with other people on the same journey as you. The Christian life is often compared to a battlefield and battles are won with armies, not lone rangers. To win the battle, I must fight alongside others.
Upon returning to the fold, the bubble, I was struck by something that seemed to me out of place with what I know of faith. We claim to serve a living God, but we live, act, and worship as if Christ never rose from the dead. Our praise songs are funeral dirges, our lives are "whitewashed tombs full of dead bones, and all that is unclean"(Matthew 23:27). We are practical atheists, we acknowledge God exists, but live like He does not, to quote Craig Groeschel. We pay lip service to our God, and can debate the differences between infralapsarianism and supralapsarianism, but you ask us what we are excited about and we can lie and say "Jesus!" or be honest and admit it's the new season of LOST. We have head knowledge, but no heart knowledge.
This is an old critique, one that has befallen Christians, and the Pharisees alike. We know the doctrine of the Bible, we know the history of the Bible, but we have never lived it's Heart. The Heart of the Bible, the sum of all it's info is that Christ was born, died, and then LIVED again, and that because of that we are free from paying the cost of our sins, the seperation from God. We have the most glorious news of all time and we live and act like it's the most shameful thing we've ever done. We are afraid of our faith, we are afraid of what people will think, and we are afraid of what the consequences will be if we live a life that fears and respects the living God.
The best sports fans can rattle off any fact, factoid, blurb or obscure reference of their favorite team and then act like a madman at any of their games. Most Christians will tell you that Jesus saves and that you should behave. I serve a God that asks me to be as I am, and to come to Him with my heart, and to live my life as hard as I can. To serve Him and to live a life pleasing to Him with abandon, and a bold sure faith. God demands our best, and He can. It's not enough to speak truth, we must live it.
If God is real, and God is good, then how come we live like He's stuck in the tomb?
To end this blog I felt it would be best to quote someone who lives their life as hard as they can for a cause they believe in:
Take care of each other out there. everyone here is my brother, let's make sure everybody goes home safe. Alright, let's stomp some heads. - Scott Vogel, frontman of Terror
The total commitment and certainty Scott Vogel has to hardcore music is the only thing keeping him alive at times, and it's what he lives for, how many Christians can make the same claim about the God that created everything, loves everyone, and willingly died for us?
The total commitment and certainty Scott Vogel has to hardcore music is the only thing keeping him alive at times, and it's what he lives for, how many Christians can make the same claim about the God that created everything, loves everyone, and willingly died for us?
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Life with the dangerparty
How best to describe what it means to be a part, to live, to breathe, to exist in the dangerparty?
First things first, there are three simple rules to the dangerparty.
Everything must be done with honesty.
Everything must be done with simplicity.
Everything must be done with intensity.
Honesty is such a rare thing in our society, our culture, christian or secular. Some people are afraid to tell you what they think, but they tell you what is the "right" answer, or what you want to hear. People lie to be accepted, to be thought of as more holy, or even just to make friends. So often you hear the phrase "be real", or variations of that theme, and I get the feeling that everyone is aware of this lack of honesty, and they seek it out earnestly, only to further propitiate the lies themselves. We, as a people, desperately seek truth and authenticity in our lives but our afraid to take the initial leap ourselves.
Simplicity is something I've been striving for in my life as of late. It takes a moment to begin to acquire it, and maintaining it is a discipline. I read a book about some of the beliefs of St. Francis of Assisi this summer, and simplicity is a practice that had much to do with Frank's life. He regularly gave to others. He would even go so far as to give the cloak off his own back to someone in need. He stresses that we often have more than we need without even realizing it. I took stock of my extra clothes a day or so after I read this, and I was amazed. I had more t-shirts, jeans, and shorts than I knew what to do with. They are currently in a bag waiting to go to New Life Thrift or Open Door Mission. I bet if you looked in your closets you would find yourself in a similar situation. We live in a culture that espouses a doctrine of catching up. You catch up with the latest fashion, you catch up with the latest toys, you catch up with your neighbors and Hollywood, and in doing so we acquire much more than we need or even use. It's boggling to see how much we all buy into this, and breaking free from it is harder than you might think. Simplicity, however, goes beyond the possessions you have. It extends into your everyday life, and relationships. It transcends all facets of our lives. I'm going to devote a further entry into this once I've had more time to practice it.
Intensity, a curse and a gift. Intensity is an odd lot to be assigned in life. On one hand, you are affirmed for having a zeal for life. On the other hand, people are quick to question your sincerity. Truly, intensity is a double edged sword. It's great to be enthusiastic and committed, it's a bummer to be doubted on a regular basis. Intensity in my own life is a result of two close encounters with death. When you've almost lost your life, living without intensity is bland. There's no passion, no joy in it. Living intensely may seem like living for the moment but it transcends loud music, action, and adventure. Living intensely is simply living life to the fullest in every moment. To do everything you do without being mastered by fear or uncertainty. To live life with abandon and no remorse.
The dangerparty is a sum of my personal experiences and philosophies. You can live life safe, and play things safely, but to live life to the fullest, you must take risks. You must be bold. You must be ready to party.
After twenty three years of this life, I think I can sum up everything I have learned with the following:
Life is meant to be lived as a celebration of the human experience as it was intended by the Creator, looking ahead to the life eternal.
Born to party, prepared to die.
First things first, there are three simple rules to the dangerparty.
Everything must be done with honesty.
Everything must be done with simplicity.
Everything must be done with intensity.
Honesty is such a rare thing in our society, our culture, christian or secular. Some people are afraid to tell you what they think, but they tell you what is the "right" answer, or what you want to hear. People lie to be accepted, to be thought of as more holy, or even just to make friends. So often you hear the phrase "be real", or variations of that theme, and I get the feeling that everyone is aware of this lack of honesty, and they seek it out earnestly, only to further propitiate the lies themselves. We, as a people, desperately seek truth and authenticity in our lives but our afraid to take the initial leap ourselves.
Simplicity is something I've been striving for in my life as of late. It takes a moment to begin to acquire it, and maintaining it is a discipline. I read a book about some of the beliefs of St. Francis of Assisi this summer, and simplicity is a practice that had much to do with Frank's life. He regularly gave to others. He would even go so far as to give the cloak off his own back to someone in need. He stresses that we often have more than we need without even realizing it. I took stock of my extra clothes a day or so after I read this, and I was amazed. I had more t-shirts, jeans, and shorts than I knew what to do with. They are currently in a bag waiting to go to New Life Thrift or Open Door Mission. I bet if you looked in your closets you would find yourself in a similar situation. We live in a culture that espouses a doctrine of catching up. You catch up with the latest fashion, you catch up with the latest toys, you catch up with your neighbors and Hollywood, and in doing so we acquire much more than we need or even use. It's boggling to see how much we all buy into this, and breaking free from it is harder than you might think. Simplicity, however, goes beyond the possessions you have. It extends into your everyday life, and relationships. It transcends all facets of our lives. I'm going to devote a further entry into this once I've had more time to practice it.
Intensity, a curse and a gift. Intensity is an odd lot to be assigned in life. On one hand, you are affirmed for having a zeal for life. On the other hand, people are quick to question your sincerity. Truly, intensity is a double edged sword. It's great to be enthusiastic and committed, it's a bummer to be doubted on a regular basis. Intensity in my own life is a result of two close encounters with death. When you've almost lost your life, living without intensity is bland. There's no passion, no joy in it. Living intensely may seem like living for the moment but it transcends loud music, action, and adventure. Living intensely is simply living life to the fullest in every moment. To do everything you do without being mastered by fear or uncertainty. To live life with abandon and no remorse.
The dangerparty is a sum of my personal experiences and philosophies. You can live life safe, and play things safely, but to live life to the fullest, you must take risks. You must be bold. You must be ready to party.
After twenty three years of this life, I think I can sum up everything I have learned with the following:
Life is meant to be lived as a celebration of the human experience as it was intended by the Creator, looking ahead to the life eternal.
Born to party, prepared to die.
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